Jerry, you need to find god
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
