i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
