I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
