I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
