So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize