Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You have to summon your inner elephant
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
