So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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