my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
