i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
