but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize