Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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