who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
