I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
