Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
