What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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