Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
