I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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