whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
