If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
