If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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