my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
