Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
