She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
