Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
