Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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