I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
