I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
