is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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