everyone is single if you try hard enough
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you didnt know i had herpes?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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