another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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