Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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