dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
