Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
