Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
