just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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