he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
