if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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