Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
