I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
