Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
babies were throwing up all over the place
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
