I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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