Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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