just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize