Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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