I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize