aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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