im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
