You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
