u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
