see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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