I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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