did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry about my life...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize