im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
