I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
