We got so high we made milksteak
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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