morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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