im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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