he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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