Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
