please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
