its not stalking. its research.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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