I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
