Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
