When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
