she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
