btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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