I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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