I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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