Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
