College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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