whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
