Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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