but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
