"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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