sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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