hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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