I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
