You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
