is your mom at the bar?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
