Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry jiveassturkey hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(774): View more from Massachusetts

It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.

Fav 11 1949 3104
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia

Fav 7 1905 4721
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.

Fav 2 3790 1251
share tweet
(803): View more from South Carolina

Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.

Fav 13 1173 3316
share tweet
(310): View more from California

I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass

Fav 6 2242 975
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.

Fav 5 626 1257
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(317): View more from Indiana

This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.

Fav 1 936 535
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(319): View more from Iowa

Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.

Fav 2 370 236
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(702): View more from Nevada

I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence

Fav 2 110 15
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT