I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
