I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
