the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
