He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
