Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize