glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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