There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
