P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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