Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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