I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
