I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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