I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
