i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Come on in and take your pants off
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