A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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