So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize