As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
