I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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