I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
