I can text with my tongue
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
