I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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