remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize