We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
