So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
