Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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