I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
