Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
