literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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