I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
