woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
