I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
