Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
