That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
