If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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