low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
