I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So vagazzling was a success
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
