So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
