You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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