I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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