she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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