so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize